Each Day To Its Own

Haven't  updated for a while - here is the latest.

Mom is okay ... well as okay as she can be with a grade IV stage IV tumor in her head ... her radio ended 5-6 months ago and now she's off chemo too. Her condition seems to deteriorate though there is no definite way of know except for watching out for occasional lack of coordination, loopiness, incoherence and memory less - well you may think that's a lot to go by, but if you are with that person day in and day out you realize it's not all that simple - or objective. She's trudging along and Daddy is making sure he supports her all the way, the best he can. However, sometimes the best is not enough....


My son is still no speaking and though he has graduated from babbling incoherence to babbling mammamama and babababa.. well he's still only babbling... so waiting on there too..

Life is strange nowadays, somedays I feel I have so  much to do and on some other I feel useless.... a strange vertigo overpowers me...which is not good for anyone. Working my Internet business, try to buy a new piece of land, actually starting to watch television after a long time and not finding the time to read - the one thing that used to soothe and entertain me....that's life in a nutshell.

Hope tomorrow will be better.

The Struggle continues...

I feel angry at her when she says all the things wrongly and eats in the most messy manner. She seems to have developed a habit of eating things which are meant to be eaten with spoon, with her two fingers of the right hand. She says something and means something else and is overzealous at some times and lethargic at others.

Mom speaks of getting well each and every single day. She still has the hope which is a good thing, only if we shared her hope .... Wishing against all reason, we carry on with our daily lives ... there is a constant background of dullness and doom. My father who is probably the only person who can manage her is losing his weight and health. Daddy is a man of strong constitution - thanks to his excellent eating habits and regular exercising, he is probably the healthiest person in our house. He is also a very very strong man, but mom's illness has shattered him from the insides. He carries on with the daily routines, giving her medicines, talking to the doctors, taking care of her, helping around the house, going to his former office, attending marriages of close friends' and relatives' children and probably leaves himself little time to sit around and mope.

Mom is now a shadow of herself, and though she may not understand this, but her mental abilities are fast decreasing. Some days I don't know what to do except for feeling extremely annoyed at her for getting sick. If only....

Near the end or just a scare?

Mom is on anti-seizure meds. In spite of that she suffered a severe and prolonged brain seizure on 29th December. It was one of the most unpleasant sights that I have ever seen in my life. She was shaking uncontrollably and foaming at the mouth. I felt fairly confident at that time but have been under a shadow of constant fear since then.

She was rushed to the hospital - carrying her into the car was a big feat in itself since she is still 70-80kgs though she has lost some weight since she fell ill. She regained consciousness by the time they reached the hospital... and the doctors discharged her after raising the doses of the meds in the prescription.

She has been hazy since then, a certain lethargy and uncertainty on her face - seems like the monstor called cancer is taking over the indomitable spirit of mom. I wish on this day of New Year that she manages to beat this monster - even if I am wishing for something near-impossible, still miracles do happen and each child's birth is a testimony to that.

Yes mom you can do it. Beat the shit out of this monster. Then we will laugh together several years later - maybe when I have white in my hair and you have your toothless grin. In hope of that day - a very happy new year to mummy.